Jobs Not Every Woman Can Handle....

Job Title: Housewife

Description

The housewife is responsible for all household and childcare duties. Additionally, the housewife is responsible for ensuring that harmony exists between all individuals living in the home. Love, care, and kindness are all attributes that must be exhibited by the housewife. Caring for the husband is crucial, and it is expected that the housewife will provide for his emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. A housewife should also maintain personal hygiene and take care of her physical body through proper eating and regular exercise. While there is not a strict dress code, it is expected that between the hours of 7 am and 10 pm, the housewife will have makeup applied and will not be wearing pajamas or other elastic clothing. The housewife is expected to cry no more than 1 time per month, for a maximum of 5 minutes.

Duties


Household:

• Sweeping/mopping – at least once per day
• Dusting – at least twice per week
• Vacuuming – at least once per week
• Straightening up – at least once per day, preferably before 5pm
• Doing the dishes – as often as needed so that dishes do not extend over the corners of the sink
• Scrubbing bathrooms – at least once every two weeks or weekly if any potty-trained children reside in the home
• Doing the laundry – as often as necessary so that clean socks and underwear can easily be located
• Other duties as assigned

Childcare:

• Feeding – 3 well balanced meals each day with 1-2 healthy snacks
• Bathing – at least 3 baths per week including full body lotion application when needed
• Dressing/Grooming – children will be dressed by 8am with fresh, clean clothes. Haircuts must be provided at least every 6 weeks once the child is 18 months old. Fingernails and toenails must be trimmed so that no more than 3mm of nail be exposed past the end of the digit.
• Emotional Caring – holding each child for at least 20 minutes per day. Saying “I love you to each child at least 3 times a day”
• Developmental – reading to each child for at least 20 minutes per day

Qualifications/Requirements:

• Must have a high threshold for pain and a high tolerance for nagging, bothering, begging, crying, and loud noises
• Must be willing and able to stand for extensive periods of time, to crawl on the floor, to enter tight and cramped spaces, and to climb chairs and tables to obtain objects in difficult to reach places
• Must be willing and able to operate on 4-6 hours of sleep
• Should be able to handle multiple difficult situations at once
• Should be well versed on the phone and in writing
• Must possess negotiation skills to handle requests from both children and adults
• Can calmly handle stressful situations without yelling, throwing, hitting, storming out of rooms, or slamming doors – preferably

Job Title : Army Wife/Spouse/Housewife

Description

Lifetime commitment to being the always present half of a team. Must work well alone and be able to shift to team player within moments. Creativity, budgeting, and mechanical abilities a must. Some manual labor required. Must be technically savvy as this may be the only communication allowed for long periods of time. Must be willing to learn foreign language. Strong-willed candidates strongly discouraged. Ability to adapt well to change preferred, but not required.

Duties & Responsibilities

Will include, but are not limited to:

All household responsibilities (i.e. cleaning, cooking, laundry). Will sometimes be responsible for yard maintenance, finances, and all other "manly" jobs. Will take over the "manly" responsibilities with notice of 1hour to several months for varying lengths of time. Will read all books, take all classes and do all necessary research to learn the Army language. Will relocate anywhere in the world at the demand of others. Will sit by home phone, take cell phone and/or laptop every place that you go. Must be able to be reached at all times of the night or day. Must bake and/or buy many items and stand in line at post office to ship said items to anyplace in the world. Must attend all events from casual to formal while smiling pretty and not saying anything derogatory about anyone. Must spend most time waiting for second half of team.

Possibility for Advancement

None. There is a possibility of lateral transfer to Army Wife and Mother (also known as a Married Single Parent).

Compensation and Benefits

Compensation will depend upon years of sacrifice of other team player. There is no reward for above par work. Compensation may or may not be directly deposited into account on expected date of arrival. Compensation may also fluctuate depending on intellectual aptitude of bureaucrats in other locations. Free medical insurance is provided as long as the endless waits and red tape do not interfere with "the mission". Housing will also be provided as long as the nosy, loud neighbors, strict guidelines, bug infestation, poor maintenance, and older than dirt accommodations are taken.

Fringe Benefits

This position also offers unlimited personal growth, astronomical amounts of pride, feelings of self worth, and a large extended "family". Possibility of living in exotic places depending on "needs of the Army".



Anything else I’m missing????

Thanks for some help from some other wives and Army wives with this blog...:)